Yesterday, I absolutely refused to work. I sat on my workstation, opening files, running stuff but my mind grounded to a halt. Introspection didn't work, but apparently playing civ3 did. Wanted to laugh, but couldn't find a funny joke. Wanted to think, but the cobwebs in my head got too sticky.

Woke up today feeling really good. Refreshed even. Back to my old sadistic self. Reading about batman begins did make it really easy to be upbeat.

Sitting here I'm looking at stuff and in introspection we often find clarity about the truths in our lives and sometimes, our friends help us in that respect. The other day she helped me find clarity about choices that have been made, about directions to be taken and a reminder of the responsibilities that have to be carried.

My family has always had a dichotomy, two sides of a coin, each have their faults and each have their good qualities. Sometimes being in between is difficult. One side says another, the other says something else. Its never easy.

Both sides of my family did things, I'm ashamed to say though not deliberately that hurt. I don't think they realize that. I won't go through life telling them so. One thing is certain, I let them do it. In retrospect, probably did me a favor. Strife after all forges us like fire makes a blade strong, life makes us so.

But its never easy to discover that you have to be an adult and that the path one has to take is a middle road they all least expect and maybe somewhere down the line, life will make sense and that this isn't only crap.