passing moments

passing between clock ticks,
      moment to moment torrent torment
      here she exists!
is it ever difficult to grasp this fact?
what mysterious magic she brings
      that her memory can not be forgotten,
      that we can not move on,

here in mind's eye she still be,
such natural thing this aberration we deny
      as humans need water to live
      as humans require air to breathe,
      so too this thing described: love,
      in spite of our veiled words,
      in spite of our hardheadedness
      in spite of our recklessness
      in spite of actions that speak contrary
      in spite of shadows where we exist
      but she's not here is she?

how i wish to share
      every joyful laughter,
      every horrid frustration,
      every smile,
      every painful loss
      every triumph!

i wish to see sparkle of her eyes,
      to feel the bountiful warmth
      of her heart, the kindness naturally
      springs from her,
she is beautiful,

moment pass i deny truth,
i did not ask,
      did not tell her beyond
      these uncreative words
      did nothing to make her understand,
      did not convince her,
i chose not to make her believe,
      not that she ever has,

let her be, moment pass!
clock ticked forward,
      there is nothin to offer
      no peace in this time,
      only horrid battle field,
she deserves better than me,