what we can not say

Here I be languishing in despair
Unabated Madness rages,
    in absentia I have tried
    rid you from memory! all in utter failure!

What need we do?
Why linger here?

Scarce a word uttered,
Love's language I dare not speak!
These words with many others
    Open secret lives
    Free for preying eyes to see!
    Free to be ridiculed!

To asylum should I now be commit?

Love's language to you, I dare not speak!
I fear horrors you may see
    that this dark heart wrapped,
    draped in shadow-night
    in crucible it must commit,
I fear this world fallen apart---
    Broken pieces, shattered dreams
    I fix and its shard, sharp edge
    I might hurt you with---
This crucible I take, can you understand?
    Gom Jabbar made to make or break---
    Something for me to survive,
Even now those forces tag and pull,
    demanding attention and in frustration
    In agony, bitterly I must answer them!
A Soul drenched in anger, rage, fury---
This is the world I do not want you to see!

Scarce a word uttered,
Love's language I dare not speak!
Here I be trapped by my folly!
My ship may sink--- I don't want you here!
My ship's sails raised--- I want you here!

qui se languit d'amour!

No cure in sight!
Life's not so simple
Such word so hard to commit
    I know why,
Wisdom's murmurings know truth:
    In Love, there must be responsibility,

My vice: these childhood dreams I shatter!

These words for you may mean nothing,
    Void empty gesture
Should we utter truth here---
Direction you may wish take
My powers of prediction
    Know not what make,

Your "No!" shall be kindness on itself---
"No" cure only your lips can give!
My world shattered that be truth,
    Still I be free from this sickness,
    Free to take this heart's broken pieces,
    Another woman may someday mend,

To court you, a "Yes" make this Madness driven
    Novice in the ways of the heart
    I clearly show,
    This is something new, I don't know

It is far easier to wage war,
Everything else so easy so simple,
    A woman so difficult to construe,

Beyond your beauty in your heart I found
    Something, a beauty in its entirety
Others may find it difficult to understand
I scarce know it, but its there.
In friendship with you, I came to know it---
    there! plainly written!

Woman, you are an admirable beauty---
I realized this deep feeling has transformed,
    urged me to free myself
    from bondage of childhood irresponsibility!
That in itself, deserves my thanks
Regardless what transpires, I move towards
    a more tangible, more noble aspiration
    and grounded reality.
That too, deserves gratitude.

I wanted to convey this Truth without words,
    Let friendship take its course,
    That route I wished to take
This moment's hellish world would not permit,
This recourse is left open,
    convey truth I can not disavow---
    No regret!

Here as these words penned you may not approve,
Here these words not writ to ask you anything,
I can not do more than this now,
    Nor can I speak more---
You need not say nor do a thing,
    but do what you must,
    I am a fool---
These words penned meant only to convey
    what I can not ask you,
    what I can not do,
    what I can not say.